On the eve of #NationalGirlChildDay two of my memories stand out.
Both from TamizhNadu, a socially progressive and economically advanced
state, relatively speaking. One a decade ago, another a couple more.
Circa 2009, at a mid-sized nursing home in Chennai where my very
pregnant wife and I awaited a doc’s appointment. All of a sudden, we could hear
excited voices and congratulatory messages echo through the hall. A couple had
just been blessed with a baby girl. Both of us felt happy for those unknown
parents. But that’s when things went South quickly. A nurse, with a puzzled
expression remarked “It’s a girl, what’s with all the celebration?!”
For some unknown reason, this has stuck in my mind like a
childhood scar in the skin that refuses to fade away. Probably because it was
not an isolated event. I had heard some very educated women whine how they hoped
their next child would be a boy after the first-born daughter, noticed sly
discrimination or open contempt. One going to the extent of justifying that
with that standard
“Who would take care of us when we are old?” (Boys? Yeah right)
“Eventually they will move away” (in the West parents chuck all
children out at 18)
“Who will do our last rites” (Donate your body for medicine)
But the universe always surprises you with its delicate balance.
Thankfully the afore mentioned galling memory was surprisingly replaced by
something sweet and inspiring. This was in 1997 when yours truly and daddy were
sitting at the Anna University’s hallowed halls to select an engineering course
using the first ever “Single Window Counselling” method. As small-town folk, it
goes without saying that we were babes-in-the-woods.
Waiting next to us in the very well-organized system was a
father-daughter duo. From the looks of it, they were from the hinterland,
simple, guileless and from the lower economic strata. What was amazing was the
man’s chutzpah, as is almost the case with people with rustic intelligence
& drive. He was practically hounding every parent around asking about the
courses, college, reservations, quality etc. Naturally he asked my father too.
We were both quite bemused (and a little proud) seeing his enthusiasm and sharp
questions.
I don’t remember what advice we doled out but the following is
etched deep. “Saar, papa (child in Tamizh, how adorable is that) etho Kambuter
padippu than padikkanum nu solluthu. Athu nallatha? Athu romba nalla padikkum.
Irunthaalum neenga konjam paarthu sollunga” (She wants to study something
called Computers. Is it good? She is a very good student. Nevertheless can you
please advise”
Mind you, this was 20 years ago, from an impoverished father who
would do everything to give the best education for his daughter. Only now has
our central government come up with “Beti Bachao and Padao”, of course you need
to allow them to be born into this world before educating. In hindsight, never
have I felt prouder as a Tamizh!
I will always regret not having daughter (may be still can!!). Granted they can be willful, too smart for their own good, moody and given the wretched state of our country, make every parent constantly anxious about their safety but will treasure a baby girl any day above boys.
Sadly India, especially the Northern states seem to be steadily
regressing when it comes to the welfare of women. Many years ago, the 2003
dystopian classic “Matrubhoomi’ shook me with it’s searing depiction of rampant
female foeticide that threatens the very existence of India. We have a sacred
duty to ensure that it just remains a fiction.
(
Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrubhoomi)
That nurse's smirk shows the casual misogyny endemic to India.
Remember economic backwardness is not the only reason. The male-female sex
ratio is worse in relatively richer states like Haryana & Gujarat in
comparison with the usual BIMARU states. A nation with a thousand goddesses has
to acknowledge this sad reality. The #NationalGirlChildDay is not just
symbolic. It is a clarion call for action.
To end on a hopeful note, blessed are the parents with daughters. Here’s to every doting father who would move heaven and earth to give the best to his little girl !
